How To Read A Book In One Day

There are many wonderful ways I can think of to be able to read a book in one day ........




1) In a hammock on the beach with a "mommy" lemonade nearby,



2) In my cozy bed on a rainy Sunday with a chai tea on my bedside table,



3) At home ALONE sitting on the couch with my favorite blankie (yes, I have a blankie),



4) On a blanket spread on the grass on a beautiful Spring day while my children play cooperatively with one another in peace and harmony (ok, now I'm just smoking crack, but you get the idea)




These are what I would consider NOT ideal ways in which to read a book in one day.....




1) Sitting in a not so ergonomical plastic chair,



2) Having a lady who talks obnoxiously on her cell to her bff about her female problems on one side,



3) A man who constantly makes a noise that sounds a lot like he's beginning to hock a loogie on the other.





4) All of the above at one time

Gotta LOVE jury duty

Fall Is Here.....Sort Of...Uh, Okay Not Really

Fall has arrived. Time for blustery winds, falling leaves, and pumpkins. I love Fall. I love wearing sweaters, going to the pumpkin patch, the smell of spices while apple cider cake bakes in the oven. Too bad, I'm not wearing sweaters or baking some yummy apple cake or pumpkin bread. I just spent the last week in capri's and flip flops. AND I sure as H-E-Double Hockey Sticks wasn't firing up the oven in this triple digit weather. You see, apparently my neck of the woods didn't get the memo that it is indeed FALL. In fact, it never does. We historically have what is known as an Indian Summer this time of year. We usually have very mild weather here, yet every October there is a spike in the temperature that lasts until around Halloween. This year is turning out to be no exception. I think it was hotter last week than our entire summer.

First, let me explain that for the most part I love the mild central coast weather here in my part of California. However, I wish just once we could get a taste of a true Fall season. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I don't get those warm fuzzy Fall feelings while the family and I are out searching for the perfect pumpkin in shorts and sandals.

I don't think I would feel so bad if it weren't for all the books and holiday cartoon specials that portray the idyllic Fall season. For years since I was a little girl have read story after story, seen pictures and watched shows about that mythical season called Fall. The vibrant orange, red, and yellow colors of the trees is beautiful..or so I've heard. Children jumping into leaf piles as high as mountains. I think if I gathered every leaf in this whole town I would have a pile large enough to stick my big toe in it.

I'm traumatized I tell you. Just once I wish that I could open a book about Fall and see a picture of someone walking down the street in shorts eating an ice cream. But no....what do I see? Granny making a nice cup of warm apple cider for the grandkiddos, families all bundled up going on the hay ride through the pumpkin patch, a bubbling stew on the stove, I can't go on...it's just too much. It's regional weather discrimination I say. I know I'm in the minority, but we need some representation. You'd think in this age of political correctness there'd be a least one book by now that would portray MY kind of Fall. Please, don't even get me started about Christmas. Not everyone lives in place where it snows....that's all I have to say about that.

So, I will continue to fight the good fight and advocate for people everywhere that live in such weather zones. We don't need "no stinkin'leaf piles". I will feel no shame for my scant appareal. I will proudly put on my capris and say with confidence to my children, "It's Fall, now let's go out and get some pumpkins.....and yes we will be going for ice cream later."

Lady Di

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock....TIMES UP

Okay, I don't have a whole lot of time to watch T.V. I have a few favorites that I record on the good ol' DVR. However, when I can't sleep I put the T.V. on for background noise as I read a book or do "work" (that's what I tell my husband) on the computer. So, this commercial about a new reality show has been circulating a lot, I'm sure you've heard of it...I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. Well, first of all (sorry to offend anyone's delicate reality T.V. senses) but I'm a purist and pretty much think that reality T.V. has forever damaged any and all quality programming on T.V. Second, when did the likes of Sanjay and the two headed monster known as Heidi/Spencer become celebrities? I mean I'll admit many of these shows are like as the old saying goes...train wrecks. You know it's bad, but you can't stop yourself from looking. However, I get really annoyed when all these would be's and has beens get together for these "celebrity" shows. PEOPLE...it's called 15 minutes of fame!!! Not 15 minutes of fame plus another 5 maybe 10. So, let's make this worth my time to watch. Instead of releasing the bees on Sanjay, how about releasing a bengal tiger on his butt and watch him sing his way out of that one!?!

My Little Potty Mouth...Doin' Mama Proud

Amy is going to kill me for this one because I am going to use her not so favorite word. However, after our long catch up conversation I decided that this story was blog worthy. My daughter. Oh, I'm telling ya' you should see this sweet little girl of mine. Cute as a button. Yes, I know, I'm her mother and of course I would say that. You should see her though. The fair complexion, big blue eyes, long curly brown hair, even a dimple. Then, she starts talking. If you've been keeping up you will know that she's the one that has said such charming things as "what the HELL?", and "EWW, mommy you smell like poop!". She has also been know to throw out a few "damn its" when she falls, or drops something. I think this is a phase, or maybe mommy needs to watch her mouth. In my defense, the other two kids never talked like this.

Anyway, back to my story. We were at a little get together in a building that only has one ladies bathroom and one guys bathroom. My little darling informed me she needed to go potty. We get in there and I think okay this should be quick. Oh no, she tells me she is going poop. GREAT!! I might as well pull up a chair and sit a while because my daughter poops like a guy. She takes her time, she hums, whistles, sings a little song to herself, lays back, lays forward, props her head on her lap with her hand, you name it. I'd give her a magazine if she could read. One time, I timed her and she spent 15, I'll repeat 15 minutes in the bathroom doing her business. So, I can hear people lining up outside waiting to use the bathroom. There's knocking on the door. I tell Her Royal Highness it's time to get off the throne. She says she's not done yet and I say too bad. I get her off, pants on, hands washed, and the whole time she is scowling at me. There are about 4 ladies waiting as we head out of the bathroom. She walks out in a huff with her hands on her hips and says, "But mom, I wasn't done going POOP!!" The ladies were at least kind enough to look down at the floor and pretend they hadn't just heard that. I know I pretended I hadn't as we breezed by. This has got to be a phase.


Don't be fooled by her girlie-girl exterior, inside she has the manners of a frat boy. She'll be crushing beer cans on her head in no time. This gal is made with sugar and a whole lot 'o SPICE!!

I Think I May Need an Intervention

Writers Workshop from Mama Kat: I chose prompt #3) Who got in big trouble this week? Well, if your a reality T.V. fan the answer would be John of John and Kate plus eight fame. He got himself into some mighty fine trouble. However, my trouble is of a different sort as you will read below. Although I have been dabbling in the blogging world, it has not been until fairly recently that it has become a little more than dabbling....

Okay, seriously...I need to get a grip on this new blogging hobby of mine.

The laundry didn't get done this weekend.

The dishes are piling up...well not really that's what 13 yr olds are for, but they would be if she wasn't here.

In the evening my children have essentially turned into feral children, scavenging for any food they can find in the pantry because Mama hasn't made dinner yet.

My laptop has seen more action in the last two weeks than it did while I was in school full time just a few months ago.

I was late for work the other day because I was checking roll call on SITS.

I am considering buying a Verizon wireless web thingee so I can check on our blog and make comments on my personal laptop at work...although my first graders might get a little restless while their teacher checks the latest on Mama Kat.

The other night I was up late for reasons unrelated to blogs (honestly), however, my computer was on and I realized the whole postings at midnight thing and being first to comment (remember I'm a newbie). Needless to say, I was very proud of my high-end comment status. The next day of course I felt like I had a hangover because of lack of sleep. I told myself I would go to bed early, but I found myself a little forlorn that I would not be able to stay up to partake in my new obsession. I was a good girl. I even fed, bathed, and dressed the kids (what were their names again?) for bed. Not once did I flip that screen up on my laptop. I walked right by it as I came downstairs after getting the kids to bed. I exercised... again, like a good girl. Then, I retired for the night and was out like a light. However, nature called at about 1 something in the morning. Can you guess what I did after I went to the bathroom? Oh yeah, I was 50 something on Roll Call!!! Amy was so jealous. Watch out folks, I think I may have sparked a little Mama Drama competition. So, anyway, what do you think? I don't think it's that bad. I mean really, why be a slave to the laundry and a dinner made out of pickles, fruit snacks, and peanut butter never hurt anybody. Besides, the kids need to build their independent living skills. Obviously, areas of improvement are making better dinner choices.

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Just Call Me Mother of the Year!!

You know, there is a special kind of pride one feels as a mother when her sweet, cute as a button, blue-eyed, angelic 3 yr old daughter yells at her older brother in a "Big Mama" voice, "What the HELL, look at this mess!" (Big Sigh) Yeah, it was magical.

This Just In...Bad Bathroom Habits Are Indeed Genetic

Of course we moms already know this but just in case there was any doubt out there my family confirms that there is definitely a strong genetic link on the PATERNAL side that causes HORRIBLE bathroom conditions. Here is the million dollar question I ask my beloved and our darling offspring...Why is it that when I take a shower all the water somehow magically stays in the shower?? I know, it's amazing. Oh! and it is truly a miracle that when I brush my teeth there are no lovely blue streaks running down the sides of the sink. Wait...I'm not finished, those strange bars protruding out from the wall are really quite useful for the placement of wet towels. Call me crazy, but, wet towels clumped up in the corner or thrown on a bed usually don't dry out as well. Finally, I believe there is some part of the male brain that has decided that the extra TWO seconds it would take to actually put the new roll of toilet paper ON the roller is not worth it, therefore it is just placed on TOP of the roller instead. This, my fellow mamas with dramas is the reason for my genetic link theory. You see, I believed that all hope was lost on my husband, however, my children were (I emphasize were) getting better. That was until, the other day when I went upstairs to give the littlest one a bath and discovered the bathroom in complete disarray. I was of course already tired, but surprisingly (I think I was just too tired to care) wasn't that annoyed. So, I just kicked the wet towels out of the way, did a quick wipe down of the sink and mirror, got the water running in the bath, put the little one in, then excuse the TMI but I sat down to go #1. Okay, I'm sitting finally (even if it is on the toilet) trying to just take a moment, I'm done, I reach for the toilet paper and what do I see?...a new roll of toilet paper sitting on TOP of the roller!!!!! THAT'S IT You know people talk about building houses with granny quarters.... they should be mama quarters instead. Okay I feel better now