How To Read A Book In One Day

There are many wonderful ways I can think of to be able to read a book in one day ........




1) In a hammock on the beach with a "mommy" lemonade nearby,



2) In my cozy bed on a rainy Sunday with a chai tea on my bedside table,



3) At home ALONE sitting on the couch with my favorite blankie (yes, I have a blankie),



4) On a blanket spread on the grass on a beautiful Spring day while my children play cooperatively with one another in peace and harmony (ok, now I'm just smoking crack, but you get the idea)




These are what I would consider NOT ideal ways in which to read a book in one day.....




1) Sitting in a not so ergonomical plastic chair,



2) Having a lady who talks obnoxiously on her cell to her bff about her female problems on one side,



3) A man who constantly makes a noise that sounds a lot like he's beginning to hock a loogie on the other.





4) All of the above at one time

Gotta LOVE jury duty

Cheesy-Sexy

Dear Lady with the ridiculously fake tan,

Please look in a mirror and realize the "I just rolled in cheetos" look is out. I know, I know....you're one "sexy grandma" and want everyone to recognize. However, that color is neither good nor natural at ANY age. Also, I'm just going to believe that it was all just a bad experiment gone wrong at home with some self-tanner, because I most certainly don't want to believe that some poor girl at a tanning salon had to spray your naked ass. Now go get some lemons and scrub that crap off!

Sincerely,

Me

P.S. You may want to re-think those low rider jeans as well. The thong sticking out of the top is also not a good look at any age. However, it is particularly traumatizing to see it on some one who is of a "certain age" AND who is orange to boot.

Exhibit A In the case of... Lady Di vs. The Land Line

So, I ran an errand earlier today. As I grabbed my purse on my way out the door I noticed that it seemed a bit heavier than usual, but continued on my way. Then as I'm driving I start to have cell phone anxiety. You know, it's like the feeling you get when you can't remember if you turned the curling iron off or not. You think you did but you didn't make a mental note of it so now you're not sure if your house is going to burn down thanks to the plugged in curling iron. Forgetting my cell phone is the same thing. I could carry that damn thing around all day and no one would call, but the one time I do forget it will be the time my kid falls and breaks his arm or something....I just know it!

So, (while I'm driving mind you) I begin to fumble around the side pockets of the purse. That's where I usually put the damn thing and I can't feel it. Therefore, I try the inside next. However, my purse is one of those "black hole" purses that seem to go on forever on the inside. Think Mary Poppins....pulling everything out but the kitchen sink. I'm trying to concentrate on driving, my hand feels nothing that resembles my cell phone so I decide to give up and look more thoroughly when I'm parked.

Okay, so there I was in the parking lot with my purse, ready to find that mother effing cell phone. I just have to find that thing, even though I will be done with my errand and back home in 15 minutes. Well, I found a phone all right AND the reason my purse was so heavy. I pulled out my lame cordless land line phone. Do people still even use land lines anymore? Apparently this chick does. Then because she is a dork, she tucks it into her purse due to what I am going to call... cell phone/land line confusion. So, this just pleads the case that I have been trying to make to my husband all along. We should cancel the land line and just use our cells. I mean really? Who uses those land lines anyway besides telemarketers? The fact that I don't want to be pulling out my cordless phone while I'm checking out at Safeway has absolutely NOTHING to do with it!!!

To Keep Or Not To Keep?...that was the question

So a while back my husband asked, "What is this seventeen-something that is being charged every month to the bank account?" At first, I had no idea as to what he was talking about. Then my over active imagination took hold as I started to think some middle-aged hacker that still lives at home with his mom had hacked my bank account. However, no, it was the weight watchers online subscription that someone (who shall not disclose herself) started like, oh I don't know.....let's just say a little while ago.

It's not that I completely forgot about my subscription per say. It was something I decided to do in a moment of extreme motivation that just quickly deflated. So a million excuses later there I sat with a blank look on my face with my husband asking, "What is this seventeen-something that is being charged every month to the bank account?" A contemplative look replaced the blank look when he asked, "Well, do you want to keep this and do it or not?" Hmmm....

Well, I decided that I had no more excuses and kept the subscription. So here I am eating cantaloupe while my son eats a snack size McFlurry ( I owed it to him because of the torture he endured while waiting for me to get my hair done). This is also my second week of attending daily classes at the gym. I haven't done a "weigh in" yet, I'm saving that lovely moment for Friday. So, I guess it's official. Operation Muffin Top has commenced.

My Summer Resolution

So, it's been a while since I last blogged......a LONG, LONG while. It's been a crazy year. So much has happened since the last time I wrote. I've had kid issues, marriage issues, work issues, you name it issues. Things are usually a little hectic around here but I've always been able to stay afloat despite the occasional curve ball life can throw. However, I've been completely overwhelmed for quite sometime now.

My writing style in the past has been a sort of a light hearted, sarcastic take on my life as a mom, sharing silly stories about my kids. I'm afraid my writing style may be a little more "heavy" these days. Don't get me wrong, my kids (especially my son) are still good for some crazy stories and I will be sure to share. I just don't take things in stride like I used to. I think it's this stage of life I am in. I'm in my thirties and as I reflect on my life so far I get disappointed, because when I was a young pup I thought for some stupid reason that when you get to your thirties you have it all figured out. Basically, I thought I would have my shit together by now....and I so clearly DO NOT.

It's not that my life is so terrible, it's just not exactly the best it could be (if that makes sense). So, rather than feeling sorry for myself I've decided to take action. I have devised a master plan that will begin this summer. I call it my master plan because it's made up of various small personal goals that will (hopefully) help make some good changes in my life. I like to think of it as a summer resolution. Why wait for New Years?

I've decided to blog about this because for me like many others, writing is therapeutic. So even if no one ever reads this it doesn't matter. I always feel better after writing. So, come along for the ride as I chronicle my ups, my downs, and don't forget those crazy kid stories.

Working My A** Off Lately....

My son has had a rough couple of weeks. One day he did really well in school, but had a major meltdown at daycare. The very next day, he had a great day at daycare, but got sent to the office at school. I use all the strategies read in the books and remind him of the calming techniques learned at therapy. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.



I always post about the musings of my boy. The word unique comes up a lot when I write about our conversations. The reason he has such a unique outlook on things is because he has a lovely combination of ADHD, OCD, and "Asperger like traits" (as quoted by the psychologist). This makes life REAL interesting in the Lady Di household.



I was watching a documentary on parenting children with Autism and Aspergers and one parent said something very profound. He said, "We kept looking for a "fix". Then we realized there is no fix, just work." He is exactly right. These children don't fit inside the box of what many would consider "normal". Instead of trying to stuff them inside this "box" we need to accept them for who they are and change OUR way of thinking. It may be work, but it's worth it....because hey let's face it, being normal can be so boring.



Keep your face to the sunshine and you can not see the shadow - Helen Keller

LADY DI

Random Thought #3, 764

"So how do you put lipstick on a guinea pig?"

Just another random thought from my son during a Homecoming football game last night. I don't even try to understand that boys mind. I did however want to answer him with "Well you get into grandma's (my MIL) purse and...." BUT, I stopped myself. Hence, the guinea pig will remain makeup-less. Good thing because the guinea pig is a boy.

Lady Di

Tough Choices....Blog or Do Laundry???

WOW! It's been a while since I've been on the ol' blog. Let's just say I have been beyond busy. Technically, I don't even have the time to be doing this post now. However, blogging seemed a lot more fun than cleaning the house and doing laundry. I know, I'm just weird like that.

Well for those of you that are new or have just plain forgotten about me because it's been so long, I am Lady Di. You know, the best good friend that Amy mentions from time to time in her posts. You know, the one with the goofy 8 yr. o ld son known as JD Boy because he is obsessed (understatement) with John Deere tractors. I have two daughters as well, but JD Boy gets the most press on the blog because we have such interesting, unique and sometimes just ridiculously, outrageously funny conversations. He also is famous for spouting off the most random comment or question. Since it's been such a long time I thought I would share some of our more memorable chats.

JD Boy: Hey mom did you know that army ants are strong.

Me: Uh, okay.

JD Boy: Yeah, they can carry a caterpillar. I think they live in Africa, not in New York.

Me: And why would you think they live in New York?

JD Boy: You know because Uncle Matt lives there, but I don't think they live with him.

Me: And why would army ants live with Uncle Matt?

JD Boy: You know because he was in the Army.

Me: OHHH-KAYYY...so what do you want for dinner?

"So how many years did it take for Abraham Lincoln to invent the light bulb?"

Let me set the stage for this one: JD Boy is in the shower and I notice two large rug burns on back of each shoulder. Earlier that day he had been freaking out at a cousin's party, running around saying his back was on fire because his older cousin dragged him out of her room. Older cousin said, "Well, he wouldn't get out of my room." OK, so of course I was like "whatever" he is being dramatic blah, blah, blah never looked at his back until the shower. This is the following conversation about the rugburn.

Me: Well, your cousin shouldn't have dragged you across the room BUT YOU should get out of people's rooms when they ask. You know, she did that because you were being stubborn.

JD Boy: Uh, I asked her to do that.

Me: (thinking AH-HA) So, you asked her to do it?

JD Boy: Yeah. She said, "Do you want me to drag you out of here?" and I said, "Yeah".......but I forgot about the carpet-fire.

Me: (big sigh) You mean rug burn????

JD Boy: HUH???? (he looks at me like I am the one who is confused)

Me: (big sigh while shaking head) OHH-KAY well, are ya done in there? It's time for bed.

Well, that's all for this post. Trust me, there are more where these came from.

Crazy Commentary-Monday's Mama Drama

You Know You Have Mama Drama When.....

1. Your son doesn't have any sandals that fit so he decides to wear his bright orange cowboy boots with his green and yellow plaid shorts to take a walk. YEAH SPRING WEATHER!!!

2. You hear the four yr. old hand out some advice on how to handle a bully to your seven yr. old. It went something like this.... 7 yr.old: I'm just having a hard time because "so and so" is calling me a fathead. 4 yr. old: Just call him a butt crack then.

3. You're standing at the back door waiting for the kids to come (who never come). After about the third white trash yodel of their names you decide to actually look for them and walk into the kitchen to find one kid smacking on a brownie and the other with a mouth full of Jolly Ranchers. Not the worst snack items except for the fact that it was 7:30 in the morning. However, you find yourself at a loss for words because you were just waiting by the door to get them in the car to go get some donuts. You know, brownie, Jolly Rancher, donut, heck...why don't I just throw in a couple of Mountain Dews to wash it all down!!

4. You're husband comes down with a severe case of strep throat. I'm talking, "shot in the butt with penicillin" severe. AND...the 4 yr. old develops some kind of mystery rash on both arms and the top of one foot. So the husband is in quarantine, the kid is asking for her "itchy cream" every 5 minutes and I am washing my hands like I have OCD.

And Finally....

5. You answer your sons comment of "I just don't know why we need manners." with "Because we live in a place that uses manners." To which he replies (with a giant sigh mind you), "I wish I lived in Africa." Uh...OK. Now why he thinks that in Africa one need not have manners I do not know. I gave up wondering what's going on in that crazy little mind of his the day he answered "nueve" when I asked him if he wanted juice. Ok...follow me, he watched a Baby Einstein video that taught different languages. One of the languages was German, in which "nein" means no. The word "neuve" in Spanish means nine. So when I asked if my then 3 yr. old son wanted juice he replied "nueve" which is "nein" in German which means no. See what I mean? So now, it doesn't even phase me when I hear his crazy commentary.

Monday's Mama Drama

You Know You Have Mama Drama When.....

1. You cook "breakfast for dinner" 3x during the week because you didn't have time to go grocery shopping. No worries however, my kids LOVE breakfast for dinner.

2. You have to haul all your laundry to your in-law's house because your washer decided to go kaput.

3. You go to the gym for your first class named Boot Camp and after seeing the trainer show up in full fatigues (he's an ex-drill Sargent) realize they REALLY do mean BOOT CAMP. I didn't know the human body could produce that much sweat.

And Finally...

4. Your back begins to hurt so bad while on a walk with your husband and kids that by the end of the walk you're in the wagon and the kids are walking. Must have been the boot camp...

Sitting With My Girl- Six Word Saturday

Little curls resting on my shoulder.

Monday Mama Drama

You Know You Have Mama Drama When.....

1. Your 4 yr. old asks how old you are during dinner. When you reply, her eyes get real big and she looks over at older brother and whispers, "Hey, she's 32." To which your darling son replies, "See, I told you she was old."

2. You find yourself leaving a message on your husband's Facebook wall asking him to get off the computer in the bedroom and meet you in the living room so you can watch T.V. together.

3. You fall asleep with wet hair (not good when you have curly hair), then wake up in the morning late. So you're looking in the mirror trying to figure out how you are going to tame your wild fro hair when the lil' fro head walks in and says, "Hey mom your hair looks like mine now....pretty." Great, thanks honey, curly mop-top bedhead was EXACTLY the look I was going for.

4. You wake up one morning SOOO happy it is finally Friday, only to realize that is in fact Thursday. MAN, that was a long day!!!

And Finally,

5. Your son goes into the bathroom, then yells, "Hey, does anyone have any fart juice?" I didn't even go near that one.....

My "Baby " Turned 4!!...Sniff, Sniff- Wordful Wednesday

Well, my little curly top hit the big FO-ORE, and boy does she think she is big time now. All day I heard, "I can have 2 snacks now, I'm 4", "You can't talk to me like that, I'm 4" (to her brother), "I don't need to wash my hair anymore, I'm 4", "Hey look mom, I am almost as tall as you, I'm 4".

So, this kid is a major thumb sucker. I have a sonogram picture of her sucking her thumb and I distinctly remember hearing her vigorously sucking her thumb as she was being cleaned up by the nurses right after her delivery. Do we have such as thing as Thumb Suckers Anonymous??? Anyway, she told me these last few months that when she turns 4 she will cease and desist all thumb sucking activity (maybe not exactly in those words). So, the actual b-day was on Monday and I asked her if she was going to stop sucking her thumb now that she was officially 4. She replied, "Um, not today, I'm going to stop after my party on Friday." Can I get that number for T.S.A please?

Closing her eyes as her birthday present rolls in....




















TA-DA....she sees the pink Barbie bike


She can ditch that tricycle now, she's 4 you know....

I'm Not Bitter Or Anything.....

Dear Teachers I Sub For,

I know times are hard and education has taken a big hit. I understand the stress that comes with the great responsibility of teaching our young children. However, when has it ever been alright to leave sub plans that include an entire HOUR of "quiet" study time for a class of 30 sixth graders?!! Then, add another 45 minutes of "free choice" in the computer lab that is short about 10 computers right after. Oh yeah, and first graders can NOT sit still for 30 minutes of "story time". That Dr. Seuss art project is really cute, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather stick the brads in my own eyes by the time I have attached the last leg on Mr. Cat in the Hat. Each masterpiece little Johnny and Suzie make has 2 arms and 2 legs, and there are 20+ little Johnnys and Suzies. You're all college graduates, do the math.

Furthermore, just because there's a sub in your grade level doesn't mean she gets BOTH recess duties and ALL 30 minutes of "free play" P.E. by herself. I never EVER want to see these words written, "Calendar Routine-kids know what to do". Maybe you can get away with this crap in a third grade or above class and you actually have a routine that they DO know. However, twenty-something kindergartners who can't even blow their own noses properly can not be held responsible to "know" the routine. I have to admit, there's a part of me that thinks its kind of funny to see how passionate 5 yr. olds can be about the order in which you present days of the week, months of the year, and number of days in school. However, really, just take the extra ONE minute to actually write out the routine. Can you say VODKA? I can and I have to consume copious amounts of it after a day with plans like that.

So, the next time you decide to be "sick" on the Friday of a 3 day weekend, on the Wednesday that a staff meeting is scheduled after school, or the day before Christmas break try to leave a plan that doesn't essentially say F IT ALL!!!! You and I both know that YOU wouldn't ask your sixth graders to study for an hour and you certainly would not say, "Okay guys, you know what to do, so go ahead and start calendar while I check my emails." Let's agree that it is in everyone's best interest that specific, detailed sub plans which include actual work are the way to go. I know, sounds crazy, but just try. My liver and I will thank you for it.

Sincerely,

The Sub (Who, by the way, is a teacher and is only doing this because she got laid off like every other new teacher in California. So I'm totally on to you)

Leaks, Enough About Tractors, And Covert Operations

You Know You Have Mama Drama When....

1. You decide you better go sit on the toilet during a bad coughing spell so you don't pee yourself. Hey, this mama popped out not one but TWO 9+ pound babies and the land down under has never been the same.

2. Your son unrolls an ENTIRE brand new roll of paper towels just to get the little tube in the middle so he can rig it up to one of his toy tractors and use it as a "drag bar". Yeah, it's a farming thing.

Speaking of tractors....

3. Your son is sooo excited about the new track tractor at Dad's work that it is ALL he talks about. So much so that even the 3 yr. old upon seeing her brother walk towards her, held up her hand to him and said, "NO!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE TRACK TRACTOR!!"

4. You're running late so you raid your kids piggy bank because you need your tall nonfat chai tea from Starbucks and you don't have time to go to the bank AND Starbucks. By the way...yes, I know you can use an ATM card at Starbucks but then that would leave evidence via the receipt which would not be good since I currently bet my hubs that I could kick my Starbucks addiction. See how this is wrong on soooo many levels....mama drama for sure!! Oh and don't worry, I repaid my debt to my child and vow never to pilfer funds again...girl scouts honor.

And Finally....

5. You're in the midst of devising an elaborate covert operation to return a missing crock pot lid to your mother-in-law which you have been swearing for the last year you have not had in your possession. Low and behold you find the stupid thing after stating with much conviction for many months that you most certainly DID NOT have it. Well, dear ol' mom-in-law just happens to be going on a little vacay this week and guess what is going to be shoved way back in a corner of one of her cupboards to await discovery by it's proper owner??? I'm not joking. This is highly classified information, she would never let me live it down. Operation "Make Her Think She Is The Crazy One That Misplaced Her Lid" will commence tomorrow morning.

You know you have mama drama when you can't get your stupid computer to do a simple task like copy and paste your signature.....ugh

LADY DI

Next Stop...Crazytown (That's Where I Live)

You Know You Have Mama Drama When....

1. Your sons says he wants to have a friend come for a sleepover, only to realize that the "friend" has four legs, is furry, and whistles...yes whistles at the butt crack of dawn when he wants to get breakfast. Yes, that's right, my son was asked to have the honors of taking care of the class pet over the weekend. Cooper the guinea pig has graced us with his presence the last TWO weekends.

2. You're trying to make dinner and two of your children run outside with out socks and shoes on (it's been freezing at night) when the neighbors pulled up, the youngest (who is sick) can't go outside so decides to climb onto kitchen counter and yell "HI" out the window at everyone with her little froggy voice. The door was left freakin' wide open, hubby is no where to be found, and you look over and see that our "guest" Cooper the guinea pig is just chillin' under the Christmas tree. Yep, it's an insane asylum here and the inmates are running it.

3. You find it amazing that in all your career as a mother not once has a little thing like being sick stop you from taking care of kids and things around the house. In fact, I remember getting strep throat 1 day after coming home from the hospital with a new baby. I nursed and took care of a new baby, a 3 year old, and the hubs was not around (because he started a new job, but still). However, it's a whole different story when the hubs gets sick. You know, the guy hardly ever gets sick, but the dude gets a cold...a cold and it might as well be H1N1. He was pathetic. I think the kids are less cranky when they have a cold.

And Finally,

4. Your 7 yr. old son is shreiking because the 3 yr. old is taunting him with a "moth". She's on the step waving the "moth" in front of him, hence not allowing him access to his beloved tractors upstairs. You go to investigate the situation only to find your son almost near tears, convinced that lil' Miss Thing has a moth in her hand. You ask her what the heck is actually in her hand and she says, "Oh mom it's not a moth it's just cwrap!" Sure enough, it was indeed just "cwrap", a piece of old tape that at first glance did indeed look like a moth or some type of bug. Now I deal with the fact that my little girl seems to be 3 going on 13 with the special talent of being able to easily taunt and tease her older brother, not to mention her colorful vocabulary skills!!

Home Team Players, Kicking Up The Romance, And Just Say No to Socks with Sandals

You Know You Have Mama Drama When.....

1. You spend 15 minutes in the bathroom at Home Depot doing double "doo-ty" supervising both your young children while they do their business. They really need to learn to be home team players.

2. Your daughter is insisting she wear sandals and socks out in public and you just CAN NOT have that because you have serious issues about that crazy little fashion statement. So you confiscate all said sandals thinking you have solved the problem, only to pick up the little Wild Woman from day care to find her in jeans, socks, and SANDALS!!!!! Time to start doing a bag check for contraband before going to daycare again.....

3. You and some other moms make up stuff to talk about to add as "other business" at our service meeting because the meeting ended early and we couldn't go home because the kids wouldn't be in bed yet.

And Finally.....

4. Your idea of putting the romance back in your relationship is closing the door when you go to the bathroom. Whew, hadn't done that in like 8 years, I got a little claustrophobic.

Too Early To Make Sound Decisions, Clean Showers, And There Must Be Crack In Candy Land-Monday's Mama Drama

You Know You Have Mama Drama When.....

1. Your son has taken your muttered response of "Have whatever you want for breakfast." quite literally as you find him at the dining room table with his entire bag of Halloween candy in front of him. Hey, it was 5:30 A.M. on a SATURDAY when the kid came bee-bopping into my bedroom and said, "Can you make waffles?" Me: "Uh No" JD Boy: "Then what can I have for breakfast?"...and you know the rest.

2. You are so peeved off at your husband that you end up cleaning the entire shower from top to bottom at 11:00 P.M. because the mindless task is actually therapeutic, plus it gave my hands something to do other than strangle my beloved, PLUS I used his little nail scrubber brush to do the job. It worked...I felt much better when I was done and my shower sparkles. He better be nice, the toilets need cleaning next and I hear a toothbrush works great for getting in all the little nooks.

3. The same morning that your son had his highly nutritious breakfast of Halloween candy, he continues to pester you in bed. Now it is 6:00 A.M. and he wants help finding a pair of pants so he can go to the ranch with Daddy. He can't find them (of course, he's a male). I'm in bed TRYING to sleep (crazy, I know) when I look on the floor and notice a pair of used pants he took off the night before and left on my floor (again, of course, he's a male). So, I tell him to put those on. I mean come on, do I really have to get out of my warm bed to get him a pair of clean pants just so he'll get them filthy dirty as soon as he gets to the ranch when there is already a perfectly filthy pair right there for him to put on by himself? See, there is a method to my madness.

And Finally....

4. You look your 3 yr. old in the face and say, "Sorry honey, I don't know where your Candy Land game is right now." You know it's tucked away safely under the bed, but you just can't play that stinking game ONE. MORE. TIME. Little did you know when you purchased said game that your daughter would turn into a Candy Land ADDICT and demand EVERYONE in the house play every five minutes. Not to mention the dang little kid wins every time. I don't know how she does it, but EVERY TIME...I'm not competitive or anything, I'm just saying.

Just Chillin', The Almighty Fart, and A Speedy Spongebob-Monday's Mama Drama

You Know You Have Mama Drama When....


1. You go get your 3 yr. old from the neighbors house and you find her lounging in a chair surrounded by all her "peeps". You tell her it's time to go home to eat lunch and she says, "But mom, I'm just chilling over here." Yeah, she's 3 going on 13.

2. First your son tells you that farts keep leprechauns away (because didn't you know that leprechauns live in your carpet). Now, your daughter tells you that "blowing wind" also kills monsters. Who knew the almighty fart could ward off such forces of evil.

3. Your kids are just so gosh darn stinkin' cute that they not only received candy, they got mini pumpkins, one lady took their picture (even though we didn't know her), and they even scored some cold hard cash. Heck, one neighbor gave ol' mom and dad a bottle wine....hmm, did it look like we needed it?

And Finally....

4. You whip out a homemade Spongebob costume in less than 2 hours so your son has a costume for his school Halloween parade. See, mama thought she was cool and had until Sat to make the costume, until she realized Friday morning that his parade was on Friday afternoon. However, much to my surprise it turned out quite nice or as my son would say, "awesome".

Angels, "It's a Farming Thing", and There's a Bunny In My House- Monday's Mama Drama

You know you have Mama Drama when...

1. You are in the car and warned the kids for the 100th time to stop touching each other and be quiet, when you hear yet another "hit" and yet ANOTHER snicker. You realize your ninja reflexes are not what they used to be when you turn quickly to catch the "perp" in the act and all you see is the 3 yr. old (with the halo on of course) pointing her delicate index finger at big brother...who is staring blankly out the window (also wearing halo).

2. You are actually thankful your son wants to be Spongebob for Halloween even though Spongebob annoys the YOU KNOW WHAT out of me. BECAUSE...up until this weekend you thought you would have to REALLY make your son either a center pivot costume OR a giant corn cob costume (it's a farming thing).

3. Most moms are taking their sons to Saturday morning soccer games, you are taking yours to the ranch to smash potatoes with the tractor (again...it's a farming thing).

And Finally....

4. Your 3 yr. daughter walks out of the bathroom stark naked with a wad of toilet paper stuck between her cheeks and says, "Look mom, I look like a bunny!!" Hmmm....potential Halloween costume perhaps???