Please look in a mirror and realize the "I just rolled in cheetos" look is out. I know, I know....you're one "sexy grandma" and want everyone to recognize. However, that color is neither good nor natural at ANY age. Also, I'm just going to believe that it was all just a bad experiment gone wrong at home with some self-tanner, because I most certainly don't want to believe that some poor girl at a tanning salon had to spray your naked ass. Now go get some lemons and scrub that crap off!
P.S. You may want to re-think those low rider jeans as well. The thong sticking out of the top is also not a good look at any age. However, it is particularly traumatizing to see it on some one who is of a "certain age" AND who is orange to boot.
So, I ran an errand earlier today. As I grabbed my purse on my way out the door I noticed that it seemed a bit heavier than usual, but continued on my way. Then as I'm driving I start to have cell phone anxiety. You know, it's like the feeling you get when you can't remember if you turned the curling iron off or not. You think you did but you didn't make a mental note of it so now you're not sure if your house is going to burn down thanks to the plugged in curling iron. Forgetting my cell phone is the same thing. I could carry that damn thing around all day and no one would call, but the one time I do forget it will be the time my kid falls and breaks his arm or something....I just know it!
So, (while I'm driving mind you) I begin to fumble around the side pockets of the purse. That's where I usually put the damn thing and I can't feel it. Therefore, I try the inside next. However, my purse is one of those "black hole" purses that seem to go on forever on the inside. Think Mary Poppins....pulling everything out but the kitchen sink. I'm trying to concentrate on driving, my hand feels nothing that resembles my cell phone so I decide to give up and look more thoroughly when I'm parked.
Okay, so there I was in the parking lot with my purse, ready to find that mother effing cell phone. I just have to find that thing, even though I will be done with my errand and back home in 15 minutes. Well, I found a phone all right AND the reason my purse was so heavy. I pulled out my lame cordless land line phone. Do people still even use land lines anymore? Apparently this chick does. Then because she is a dork, she tucks it into her purse due to what I am going to call... cell phone/land line confusion. So, this just pleads the case that I have been trying to make to my husband all along. We should cancel the land line and just use our cells. I mean really? Who uses those land lines anyway besides telemarketers? The fact that I don't want to be pulling out my cordless phone while I'm checking out at Safeway has absolutely NOTHING to do with it!!!
So a while back my husband asked, "What is this seventeen-something that is being charged every month to the bank account?" At first, I had no idea as to what he was talking about. Then my over active imagination took hold as I started to think some middle-aged hacker that still lives at home with his mom had hacked my bank account. However, no, it was the weight watchers online subscription that someone (who shall not disclose herself) started like, oh I don't know.....let's just say a little while ago.
It's not that I completely forgot about my subscription per say. It was something I decided to do in a moment of extreme motivation that just quickly deflated. So a million excuses later there I sat with a blank look on my face with my husband asking, "What is this seventeen-something that is being charged every month to the bank account?" A contemplative look replaced the blank look when he asked, "Well, do you want to keep this and do it or not?" Hmmm....
Well, I decided that I had no more excuses and kept the subscription. So here I am eating cantaloupe while my son eats a snack size McFlurry ( I owed it to him because of the torture he endured while waiting for me to get my hair done). This is also my second week of attending daily classes at the gym. I haven't done a "weigh in" yet, I'm saving that lovely moment for Friday. So, I guess it's official. Operation Muffin Top has commenced.
So, it's been a while since I last blogged......a LONG, LONG while. It's been a crazy year. So much has happened since the last time I wrote. I've had kid issues, marriage issues, work issues, you name it issues. Things are usually a little hectic around here but I've always been able to stay afloat despite the occasional curve ball life can throw. However, I've been completely overwhelmed for quite sometime now.
My writing style in the past has been a sort of a light hearted, sarcastic take on my life as a mom, sharing silly stories about my kids. I'm afraid my writing style may be a little more "heavy" these days. Don't get me wrong, my kids (especially my son) are still good for some crazy stories and I will be sure to share. I just don't take things in stride like I used to. I think it's this stage of life I am in. I'm in my thirties and as I reflect on my life so far I get disappointed, because when I was a young pup I thought for some stupid reason that when you get to your thirties you have it all figured out. Basically, I thought I would have my shit together by now....and I so clearly DO NOT.
It's not that my life is so terrible, it's just not exactly the best it could be (if that makes sense). So, rather than feeling sorry for myself I've decided to take action. I have devised a master plan that will begin this summer. I call it my master plan because it's made up of various small personal goals that will (hopefully) help make some good changes in my life. I like to think of it as a summer resolution. Why wait for New Years?
I've decided to blog about this because for me like many others, writing is therapeutic. So even if no one ever reads this it doesn't matter. I always feel better after writing. So, come along for the ride as I chronicle my ups, my downs, and don't forget those crazy kid stories.
My son has had a rough couple of weeks. One day he did really well in school, but had a major meltdown at daycare. The very next day, he had a great day at daycare, but got sent to the office at school. I use all the strategies read in the books and remind him of the calming techniques learned at therapy. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
I always post about the musings of my boy. The word unique comes up a lot when I write about our conversations. The reason he has such a unique outlook on things is because he has a lovely combination of ADHD, OCD, and "Asperger like traits" (as quoted by the psychologist). This makes life REAL interesting in the Lady Di household.
I was watching a documentary on parenting children with Autism and Aspergers and one parent said something very profound. He said, "We kept looking for a "fix". Then we realized there is no fix, just work." He is exactly right. These children don't fit inside the box of what many would consider "normal". Instead of trying to stuff them inside this "box" we need to accept them for who they are and change OUR way of thinking. It may be work, but it's worth it....because hey let's face it, being normal can be so boring.
Keep your face to the sunshine and you can not see the shadow - Helen Keller
Just another random thought from my son during a Homecoming football game last night. I don't even try to understand that boys mind. I did however want to answer him with "Well you get into grandma's (my MIL) purse and...." BUT, I stopped myself. Hence, the guinea pig will remain makeup-less. Good thing because the guinea pig is a boy.
Fall has arrived. Time for blustery winds, falling leaves, and pumpkins. I love Fall. I love wearing sweaters, going to the pumpkin patch, the smell of spices while apple cider cake bakes in the oven. Too bad, I'm not wearing sweaters or baking some yummy apple cake or pumpkin bread. I just spent the last week in capri's and flip flops. AND I sure as H-E-Double Hockey Sticks wasn't firing up the oven in this triple digit weather. You see, apparently my neck of the woods didn't get the memo that it is indeed FALL. In fact, it never does. We historically have what is known as an Indian Summer this time of year. We usually have very mild weather here, yet every October there is a spike in the temperature that lasts until around Halloween. This year is turning out to be no exception. I think it was hotter last week than our entire summer.
First, let me explain that for the most part I love the mild central coast weather here in my part of California. However, I wish just once we could get a taste of a true Fall season. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I don't get those warm fuzzy Fall feelings while the family and I are out searching for the perfect pumpkin in shorts and sandals.
I don't think I would feel so bad if it weren't for all the books and holiday cartoon specials that portray the idyllic Fall season. For years since I was a little girl have read story after story, seen pictures and watched shows about that mythical season called Fall. The vibrant orange, red, and yellow colors of the trees is beautiful..or so I've heard. Children jumping into leaf piles as high as mountains. I think if I gathered every leaf in this whole town I would have a pile large enough to stick my big toe in it.
I'm traumatized I tell you. Just once I wish that I could open a book about Fall and see a picture of someone walking down the street in shorts eating an ice cream. But no....what do I see? Granny making a nice cup of warm apple cider for the grandkiddos, families all bundled up going on the hay ride through the pumpkin patch, a bubbling stew on the stove, I can't go on...it's just too much. It's regional weather discrimination I say. I know I'm in the minority, but we need some representation. You'd think in this age of political correctness there'd be a least one book by now that would portray MY kind of Fall. Please, don't even get me started about Christmas. Not everyone lives in place where it snows....that's all I have to say about that.
So, I will continue to fight the good fight and advocate for people everywhere that live in such weather zones. We don't need "no stinkin'leaf piles". I will feel no shame for my scant appareal. I will proudly put on my capris and say with confidence to my children, "It's Fall, now let's go out and get some pumpkins.....and yes we will be going for ice cream later."
WOW! It's been a while since I've been on the ol' blog. Let's just say I have been beyond busy. Technically, I don't even have the time to be doing this post now. However, blogging seemed a lot more fun than cleaning the house and doing laundry. I know, I'm just weird like that.
Well for those of you that are new or have just plain forgotten about me because it's been so long, I am Lady Di. You know, the best good friend that Amy mentions from time to time in her posts. You know, the one with the goofy 8 yr. o ld son known as JD Boy because he is obsessed (understatement) with John Deere tractors. I have two daughters as well, but JD Boy gets the most press on the blog because we have such interesting, unique and sometimes just ridiculously, outrageously funny conversations. He also is famous for spouting off the most random comment or question. Since it's been such a long time I thought I would share some of our more memorable chats.
JD Boy: Hey mom did you know that army ants are strong.
Me: Uh, okay.
JD Boy: Yeah, they can carry a caterpillar. I think they live in Africa, not in New York.
Me: And why would you think they live in New York?
JD Boy: You know because Uncle Matt lives there, but I don't think they live with him.
Me: And why would army ants live with Uncle Matt?
JD Boy: You know because he was in the Army.
Me: OHHH-KAYYY...so what do you want for dinner?
"So how many years did it take for Abraham Lincoln to invent the light bulb?"
Let me set the stage for this one: JD Boy is in the shower and I notice two large rug burns on back of each shoulder. Earlier that day he had been freaking out at a cousin's party, running around saying his back was on fire because his older cousin dragged him out of her room. Older cousin said, "Well, he wouldn't get out of my room." OK, so of course I was like "whatever" he is being dramatic blah, blah, blah never looked at his back until the shower. This is the following conversation about the rugburn.
Me: Well, your cousin shouldn't have dragged you across the room BUT YOU should get out of people's rooms when they ask. You know, she did that because you were being stubborn.
JD Boy: Uh, I asked her to do that.
Me: (thinking AH-HA) So, you asked her to do it?
JD Boy: Yeah. She said, "Do you want me to drag you out of here?" and I said, "Yeah".......but I forgot about the carpet-fire.
Me: (big sigh) You mean rug burn????
JD Boy: HUH???? (he looks at me like I am the one who is confused)
Me: (big sigh while shaking head) OHH-KAY well, are ya done in there? It's time for bed.
Well, that's all for this post. Trust me, there are more where these came from.