Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
1. Your sons says he wants to have a friend come for a sleepover, only to realize that the "friend" has four legs, is furry, and whistles...yes whistles at the butt crack of dawn when he wants to get breakfast. Yes, that's right, my son was asked to have the honors of taking care of the class pet over the weekend. Cooper the guinea pig has graced us with his presence the last TWO weekends.
2. You're trying to make dinner and two of your children run outside with out socks and shoes on (it's been freezing at night) when the neighbors pulled up, the youngest (who is sick) can't go outside so decides to climb onto kitchen counter and yell "HI" out the window at everyone with her little froggy voice. The door was left freakin' wide open, hubby is no where to be found, and you look over and see that our "guest" Cooper the guinea pig is just chillin' under the Christmas tree. Yep, it's an insane asylum here and the inmates are running it.
3. You find it amazing that in all your career as a mother not once has a little thing like being sick stop you from taking care of kids and things around the house. In fact, I remember getting strep throat 1 day after coming home from the hospital with a new baby. I nursed and took care of a new baby, a 3 year old, and the hubs was not around (because he started a new job, but still). However, it's a whole different story when the hubs gets sick. You know, the guy hardly ever gets sick, but the dude gets a cold...a cold and it might as well be H1N1. He was pathetic. I think the kids are less cranky when they have a cold.
4. Your 7 yr. old son is shreiking because the 3 yr. old is taunting him with a "moth". She's on the step waving the "moth" in front of him, hence not allowing him access to his beloved tractors upstairs. You go to investigate the situation only to find your son almost near tears, convinced that lil' Miss Thing has a moth in her hand. You ask her what the heck is actually in her hand and she says, "Oh mom it's not a moth it's just cwrap!" Sure enough, it was indeed just "cwrap", a piece of old tape that at first glance did indeed look like a moth or some type of bug. Now I deal with the fact that my little girl seems to be 3 going on 13 with the special talent of being able to easily taunt and tease her older brother, not to mention her colorful vocabulary skills!!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
1. You spend 15 minutes in the bathroom at Home Depot doing double "doo-ty" supervising both your young children while they do their business. They really need to learn to be home team players.
2. Your daughter is insisting she wear sandals and socks out in public and you just CAN NOT have that because you have serious issues about that crazy little fashion statement. So you confiscate all said sandals thinking you have solved the problem, only to pick up the little Wild Woman from day care to find her in jeans, socks, and SANDALS!!!!! Time to start doing a bag check for contraband before going to daycare again.....
3. You and some other moms make up stuff to talk about to add as "other business" at our service meeting because the meeting ended early and we couldn't go home because the kids wouldn't be in bed yet.
4. Your idea of putting the romance back in your relationship is closing the door when you go to the bathroom. Whew, hadn't done that in like 8 years, I got a little claustrophobic.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Di - Ok, people are going to think we paid each other to write this stuff about one another. I think it's more like we are buttering each other up to score some good Christmas presents.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Too Early To Make Sound Decisions, Clean Showers, And There Must Be Crack In Candy Land-Monday's Mama Drama
1. Your son has taken your muttered response of "Have whatever you want for breakfast." quite literally as you find him at the dining room table with his entire bag of Halloween candy in front of him. Hey, it was 5:30 A.M. on a SATURDAY when the kid came bee-bopping into my bedroom and said, "Can you make waffles?" Me: "Uh No" JD Boy: "Then what can I have for breakfast?"...and you know the rest.
2. You are so peeved off at your husband that you end up cleaning the entire shower from top to bottom at 11:00 P.M. because the mindless task is actually therapeutic, plus it gave my hands something to do other than strangle my beloved, PLUS I used his little nail scrubber brush to do the job. It worked...I felt much better when I was done and my shower sparkles. He better be nice, the toilets need cleaning next and I hear a toothbrush works great for getting in all the little nooks.
3. The same morning that your son had his highly nutritious breakfast of Halloween candy, he continues to pester you in bed. Now it is 6:00 A.M. and he wants help finding a pair of pants so he can go to the ranch with Daddy. He can't find them (of course, he's a male). I'm in bed TRYING to sleep (crazy, I know) when I look on the floor and notice a pair of used pants he took off the night before and left on my floor (again, of course, he's a male). So, I tell him to put those on. I mean come on, do I really have to get out of my warm bed to get him a pair of clean pants just so he'll get them filthy dirty as soon as he gets to the ranch when there is already a perfectly filthy pair right there for him to put on by himself? See, there is a method to my madness.
4. You look your 3 yr. old in the face and say, "Sorry honey, I don't know where your Candy Land game is right now." You know it's tucked away safely under the bed, but you just can't play that stinking game ONE. MORE. TIME. Little did you know when you purchased said game that your daughter would turn into a Candy Land ADDICT and demand EVERYONE in the house play every five minutes. Not to mention the dang little kid wins every time. I don't know how she does it, but EVERY TIME...I'm not competitive or anything, I'm just saying.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I am having a bad hair day - already! Woke up with it actually.
Monday, November 2, 2009
1. You go get your 3 yr. old from the neighbors house and you find her lounging in a chair surrounded by all her "peeps". You tell her it's time to go home to eat lunch and she says, "But mom, I'm just chilling over here." Yeah, she's 3 going on 13.
2. First your son tells you that farts keep leprechauns away (because didn't you know that leprechauns live in your carpet). Now, your daughter tells you that "blowing wind" also kills monsters. Who knew the almighty fart could ward off such forces of evil.
3. Your kids are just so gosh darn stinkin' cute that they not only received candy, they got mini pumpkins, one lady took their picture (even though we didn't know her), and they even scored some cold hard cash. Heck, one neighbor gave ol' mom and dad a bottle wine....hmm, did it look like we needed it?
4. You whip out a homemade Spongebob costume in less than 2 hours so your son has a costume for his school Halloween parade. See, mama thought she was cool and had until Sat to make the costume, until she realized Friday morning that his parade was on Friday afternoon. However, much to my surprise it turned out quite nice or as my son would say, "awesome".
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Yeah, I thought of you today as I was putting on my capris and sandals. It was in the 80's here. Got to love that mild California weather. If it makes you feel better it does get windy at night...
Seriously. Not even funny Lady Di. You suck! Speaking of wind. It was super windy here the other day and I forgot to mention the LEAVES. Oh my, the leaves are FALLING. They are everywhere. My neighbors trees are puking on my lawn. So I went out and just picked them up from my bushes and threw them in the air. I sent those little boogers flying down the street. Is that OK? I mean they are not my leaves.
Just don't go native. I don't want to find anything dead on your car when I come to visit. OR wonder what is in the meatloaf.
oh not to worry. not to worry. I still ask the Grams what is in the meatloaf, the tacos, what kind of roast is that? I can't and won't eat wild game. It stinks. Could you imagine me, hunting. I think not.
I went shopping yesterday for some warmer clothes. Shopping was fun. My Mama and I walked into a tractor supply store to get a dog house and some snow boots were on sale. She says: "that is a nice price you should get some." I replied, " I think I will just stay in when it snows." I will wait until I find some cute stylish ones. Do they make those? I want some like my girls have.
So what....you are planning on "staying in" until like May??? Girl, I'm afraid you are going to have to break down and buy some freakin' snow boots whether they are cute and stylish or not. I know you're in denial but you do live in MONTANA now and it SNOWS there...LOTS. Hey, just do me a favor and DO NOT under any circumstances whatsoever wear socks with sandals. Remember, Lady Di says that is NEVER okay!!!!
What? I thought I could totally get away with that here. Actually I was thinking about socks with flip flops. Cute, huh? I will start a new fad. Actually I am sending the OP to school today with socks and flip flops. Don't flip out! It is Red Ribbon Week and she is supposed to wear flip flops today. But good heavens it is freezing. I can't send her little piggies out in that kind of weather.
Here, you can have one of my tissues. We need to get a girl's trip planned that includes a day at the spa. I need a haircut so bad right now. My hair has never been the same since I had kids. What's up with that anyway? My once thick, long, wavy/curly hair is now thin and has a mind of it's own. Some days it has it's curl and does what it's told and other days it's flat and stringy.
Oh I got your back girl. It sucks. Mine is thinning in places where it shouldn't and then growing in places it's not supposed to. That isn't because I am thirty that is due to a haywire thyroid. Don't even get me started on that. Girls trip- yes indeed. Vegas baby. I just have to lose some of this extra bulge that has moved in uninvited. AGAIN.
Good luck with the new neighbors. We can trade crazy neighbor stories now. Mine felt obligated to come out and talk...I mean bitch the entire time while I was doing yard work. Goodness sake, that man is one big complain fest. I don't think he has ever said one thing to me that wasn't a complaint about something. His latest beef is with the mailman who is not delivering his mail because HE (the neighbor) won't move his car from in front of the mailbox. I'm thinking DUDE, I understand that YES it's kind of BS that the mailman can't get out of his little mail car to deliver the mail. HOWEVER COMMA if the post office powers that be say that he is not allowed to get out of little mail car and therefore mail will not be delivered if cars are parked in front of the mailbox.....then DON'T PARK YOUR FLIPPIN' VAN IN FRONT OF YOUR MAILBOX!!! Geez, do I really have to solve ALL the problems in the universe???
And here is my own original random thought: I've been working at the schools administering a language test to all the English Language learners that are enrolled. Most recently I was at the middle school and can I just say that I think I know some kindergartners that can bubble in answers better than some of these middle schoolers. YIKES!! I don't know who cares less. The kid scribbling in the bubbles or the teacher that collects it with out checking and making the kid clean it up.
I am a teacher myself and I even gave the test to an entire class of students and I made sure that those kids bubbled in their answers properly. It's not that hard people and it takes less than a minute to do a glance over of each test that gets handed in to check for neatness.
You go Lady Di! Clean bubbles are important. You had to bring up teachers. I mean I know you are one but your an awesome one. I am having issues with the OP's. I won't get started.
Um. Geez. I am not in Arkansas! Montana is a little behind but not much and I am not a native. I still claim to be Californian. We have #2 pencils and I have personally never seen another lead number.
Oh I forgot. Can I just say that the Swine Flu is freaking me out a little. I mean I can't even get the regular flu shot up here. They seem to be short. What is up with that anyway? I mean seriously? They obviously know that there are more people in the world than last year and might need to up the number. No they made less. Thanks.