I have mixed feelings about this tribute, but I feel like I have to let this out. I have never actually met the person this tribute is about. However, after only reading her blog I feel the need to express my deepest sympathy first of all for her situation, but then I wish to express my admiration of her strength, and appreciation of what she is doing and what she has done. I know she may not feel strong right now. In fact, her world has been shattered into a million pieces, and I know there is nothing I can write that will make it better for her. Yet, maybe one day as the pieces of her life start to come together she will understand the impact her and her families’ story had on so many people. I know it had a profound impact on me.
It was a busy week for me and my family. You know, the not home until at night kind of busy week. I was super tired and only out of sheer curiosity did I check some blogs. I was on my lap top and I don’t know why but sometimes my touchpad gets ultra sensitive and it automatically clicks on stuff even if I haven’t actually tapped it with my finger. So, I was swiveling my finger on the touchpad going down the sidebar of someone’s blog and BAM it did it. It did that automatic “click on something” thing it does. I found myself on another blogsite called The Spohrs Are Multiplying. I am sure many of you have seen this. I immediately recognized it because my blogging friend Amy had done a post to promote the March of Dimes in honor of their daughter Maddie who passed away suddenly in April. She was 18 months old and beautiful (of course all babies are beautiful). She looked like a little fairy. So, I was aware of the situation and Amy had told me that she had been to their site and was very much moved.
Well, it was late and I should have just gone to bed, but I stayed awake and I read…and read. Two hours and a box of Kleenex later I had finished reading and was feeling a mix of many emotions. I started of course with the most recent entry and went backwards. Further and further I went back into their lives. Heather did an excellent job of documenting everything her little girl did. So many stories I could relate to as a mom. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child, but because of Heather’s openness to share I can understand some of things that she misses the most that perhaps we take for granted. In one post she wrote about the fact that she doesn’t remember ever kissing her daughter’s knees. Even though I have not felt the pain of losing a child I immediately understood the pain she was in. As a mom, when you have your new baby you feel you can practically just devour them, with their soft skin, and that smell. You just cover their soft little pink bodies with kisses from head to toe. Yet, do you really soak it all in? Do you know you got every part? After reading, Heather’s post I suddenly thought, “Have I kissed my baby’s knees?”
Whether she knows it or not, Heather Spohr is a strong person. Even if there are mornings she doesn’t want to get out of bed…she is a strong person. She loves her daughter and keeps her spirit alive by telling her story. Her story has definitely touched many people’s lives. I know she would rather not be the strong grieving mother. I know she would rather be the fun loving mother taking her daughter to the park today. However, for reasons that I certainly can’t explain Maddie is in God’s hands now. I dedicate this tribute to you, Heather Spohr and all the mothers that have lost a child. You have to endure the hardest pain there is. My words may bring little comfort right now, but know that Maddie’s life has reached many because of you.
When I was done reading Heather’s blog that night, I turned off my computer. My 3 yr. old daughter was sleeping in bed with me (again). I have been taking her up to her own room (trying to get her to sleep in her “big girl” bed), but not that night. No, that night I left her where she slept right next to me. I listen carefully to her soft breaths, I looked at the silhouette of her tiny face in the dark, I touched her soft curls, and I kissed her knees.
For more Tributes or to participate, visit http://angiescircus.blogspot.com/